My conversations with HER - Part 7 – Written on 6th November 2011
Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu
(Cont) The happenings upto June 2011
One day, I landed on this webpage of the Devipuram website and I thought "Let me write to the email id & check to see if they still have Merus available".......So, I sent an email & asked about the merus, specifically asked them if I can keep the Devipuram meru at home even though Guru Amritananada was not my Guru {See Guruji what SHE made me do, but then again I did nothing Guruji.....It was all HER doing}...I received a reply with a pdf document that I was told would answer all my questions.....I didn't realize it then, but the SUN was beginning to rise....Anything related to Guruji so clearly answered all my doubts.....
Now, the next BIG hurdle......To convince my husband to buy it....I knew that it would be difficult and as I rightly thought, he said " Until now, you were mad after rudhraksha and now this thing called Meru.....Why is it that you choose to believe everyone else other than me?"......I couldn't exactly tell him why but I just so deeply felt it.....How can I explain something that I can only feel??
{As I type this:
SHE: Now you know why I was silent when you asked me all those questions about BRAHMAN....How can I explain something that I can only feel??
(Cont) The happenings upto June 2011
One day, I landed on this webpage of the Devipuram website and I thought "Let me write to the email id & check to see if they still have Merus available".......So, I sent an email & asked about the merus, specifically asked them if I can keep the Devipuram meru at home even though Guru Amritananada was not my Guru {See Guruji what SHE made me do, but then again I did nothing Guruji.....It was all HER doing}...I received a reply with a pdf document that I was told would answer all my questions.....I didn't realize it then, but the SUN was beginning to rise....Anything related to Guruji so clearly answered all my doubts.....
Now, the next BIG hurdle......To convince my husband to buy it....I knew that it would be difficult and as I rightly thought, he said " Until now, you were mad after rudhraksha and now this thing called Meru.....Why is it that you choose to believe everyone else other than me?"......I couldn't exactly tell him why but I just so deeply felt it.....How can I explain something that I can only feel??
{As I type this:
SHE: Now you know why I was silent when you asked me all those questions about BRAHMAN....How can I explain something that I can only feel??
Me: Not a "good enough" answer Lalithamba.....Atleast "not good enough" for me......Wait and see how I, who is IT explain about IT...
Flashback on - All those questions about BRAHMAN:
It was just a few days before I met Guruji online.....It was really frustrating that anyone I asked about BRAHMAN was silent.....I wondered, "Who are YOU BRAHMAN and why don't people respond when I ask about YOU??....How come YOU are in fire and in water??.....On Earth and in Sky??...... And what's all that about "One who knows IT doesn't talk about IT and one who talks about IT doesn't know IT".....I have, but just read 7 out of the 8 Upanishads book....And there are a 108 Upanishads!!!!.....Each one quoting the other......It took YOU 108 Upanishads to describe what YOU ARE NOT ---- "Neti neti" ---"Not this, not this"....Isn't that how the Upanishads describe YOU??......Couldn't YOU have done it in just one book, to say WHAT YOU ARE?....When I find YOU, I'm not going to be one of those people who say "One who knows IT doesn't talk about IT and one who talks about IT doesn't know IT"........Note my point BRAHMAN, I said "When I find YOU".......Not "IF I find YOU"......{Little did I realize that I would be 'reminded' of this sentence in September 2011 and I would, after describing IT, realize that one would have to take up an identity to describe BRAHMAN......The very fact that "I" am describing BRAHMAN means that "I" have stepped out from THAT ONENESS state, to take up an identity, to be "someone" who describes IT.}
In some of the online forums and online groups that I was reading, on the Vedic wisdom yahoo group site, there was a discussion about some siddhis-to-be-gained when chanting some mantras and I had thought "What's the use of these siddhis?......Let me quote from the above site {by the way, SHE tells me that PVR Narasimha, who is the owner of this yahoo group is a Realized Being and I will be "working with him" on my "giving-something-back-to-the-society" project}:
BEGIN QUOTE:
"Let us use the analogy of climbing a hill. Climbing hill is one's spiritual sadhana. Reaching the top is liberation. Different people climb the hill from different sides and using different paths. There may be trees with nice fruits on the sides of the road. They are siddhis or special abilities.
"Let us use the analogy of climbing a hill. Climbing hill is one's spiritual sadhana. Reaching the top is liberation. Different people climb the hill from different sides and using different paths. There may be trees with nice fruits on the sides of the road. They are siddhis or special abilities.
If one gets distracted, starts climbing the trees and collecting fruits, one's journey gets delayed and one may not reach the top. That is why Vasishtha says a seeker of Self does not pursue any siddhis.
But if some fruits fall in one's lap by themselves, one can keep them. Similarly, siddhis that come to one by themselves can be accepted by a seeker of Self.
Now an important distinction:
There are some trees that are found at lower altitudes also, but some really special trees are found at very high altitudes only. If one has such a fruit, it shows that one has climbed great heights. Similarly, some siddhis do not mean much, but some siddhis are very special and only really elevated sadhakas can obtain them (whether by trying or without trying). If a sadhakas demonstrates such a siddhi, you can see that one progressed a lot. However, the key is that one who climbed the same or more distance may not have that or any other fruit."
END QUOTE
END QUOTE
I had thought "BRAHMAN is my goal....I do not want any siddhis...I don't want to be distracted.....I've wasted enough lifetimes, no more."......So I had told HER " Lalithamba, please don't give me ANY siddhis....I just don't want it....What am I going to do with it?.....DON'T GIVE ME ANY SIDDHIS"...I then remembered something else that I had read ----
When Ramakrishna Paramahamsa proposed to give his siddhis to Swami Vivekananda, He asked whether the siddhis will enable him to realize God... Ramakrishna said No... Vivekananda firmly declined the offer then! Of course, when Ramakrishna gave them anyway later, he accepted them.
I thought LALITHA means "playful one"....SHE's played enough with my life.....What if SHE gives me siddhis anyway???....So, I told HER
When Ramakrishna Paramahamsa proposed to give his siddhis to Swami Vivekananda, He asked whether the siddhis will enable him to realize God... Ramakrishna said No... Vivekananda firmly declined the offer then! Of course, when Ramakrishna gave them anyway later, he accepted them.
I thought LALITHA means "playful one"....SHE's played enough with my life.....What if SHE gives me siddhis anyway???....So, I told HER
"Lalithamba, irrespective of me telling YOU not to give me any siddhis, if YOU still give them to me, then in addition to whatever YOU want to give me, I ask one more thing.....IF YOU give me any siddhis, then please also give me one additional item ----- that I may forget that I have these so called Siddhis.....Until it's the right time, until I'm THERE - ONE WITH BRAHMAN, until someone comes along to remind me about the siddhis....Wasn't Hanuman reminded of HIS powers by the "what's-his-name" minister of Sugreeva?....Wasn't it after this reminder that HE was able to cross over to Lanka to find Sita Devi??.....Yes....Please make me forget....I know this may sound "wierd" to YOU, me asking YOU for "selective amnesia" but no more distractions Lalithamba...Absolutely no more distractions."
And whenever I listened to the Khadgamala stotra {before and after meeting Guruji online}, I would tell HER " What am I going to do with YOUR sword ---- Here take it back.....I don't want it....I just want to practically experience BRAHMAN.....I want to make YOU happy Lalithamba so that when I reach YOU, when I am at (n-1) then the next step is BRAHMAN......(n-1) + 1 = n = BRAHMAN....Are you happy Lalithamba?? What does it take to make YOU happy??
And whenever I listened to the Khadgamala stotra {before and after meeting Guruji online}, I would tell HER " What am I going to do with YOUR sword ---- Here take it back.....I don't want it....I just want to practically experience BRAHMAN.....I want to make YOU happy Lalithamba so that when I reach YOU, when I am at (n-1) then the next step is BRAHMAN......(n-1) + 1 = n = BRAHMAN....Are you happy Lalithamba?? What does it take to make YOU happy??
As I type this:
Me: Some website
SHE: Who reminded you to wear rudhrakshas?
SHE: Who reminded you to wear rudhrakshas?
Me: That website - the Devi Bhagavatham.....Reading about rudhraksha on Devi Bhagavatham.
SHE: Who took you to the rudhrakshas?
Me: That website – Rudhraksha Ratna
SHE: Who told you initially about the 'drawing' Srichakra?
Me: Aacharya
SHE: Who told you about Devipuram?
Me: Aacharya
SHE: What led you to the Meppad Sampradaya?
Me: That website
SHE: Who led you to Guruji?
Me: Google and Devipuram website.
SHE: Who reminded you about Varahi even though aacharya had mentioned on his Facebook note that it was during the Varahi Navarathri that the Kumbhabhishekam of Sri Shankaracharya Temple was held?
Me: Arjunaacharya of Meppad Temple.
SHE: Who reminded you that it was the "Maha Sodasi mantra" and not the "Sodasi" mantra that Guruji gave you?
Me: Arjunaacharya of Meppad Temple { Thank you Arjunaacharya, for if you hadn't asked me, I wouldn't have realized it...Sorry Guruji, see what a fool I am?...I was distracted with my 3 year old son Pranav bothering me that I only heard the "Sodasi" part that you mentioned....
While on my way back from Devipuram, I was chanting the "what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi" mantra and I counted the letters....
Me: There are more than 16 letters in this mantra...How could this be Sodasi?......But if I take the 15 letter Panchadasi as just 3 letters, then the count comes to 16....Maybe this is the way "Sodasi" is counted......How do I know??...They keep these mantras so secret.... What does it matter, if this is what Guruji asked me to chant all the time, it's good enough for me....
A few days later, when talking to Arjunaacharya over the phone, after a few discussions:
Arjunaacharya: Was it the Sodasi or Maha Sodasi mantra?
Me: I don't know the difference between the two.
Arjunaacharya: {Chanted the Maha Sodasi mantra}
Me: That's the one
Arjunaacharya: Did Guruji give you a new name?
Me: No
After my conversation with Arjunaacharya, as I was contemplating our talks:
Me: Why did Arjunaacharya ask me if Guruji had given me a new name?? Isn't that done during the "poorna abishekam" of Srividya - when one has 'graduated' from the school of Srividya?? There was no "abishekam" done to me?? Why did Arjunaacharya ask me that question? Surely he knows what he is talking about...What's the difference between Sodasi and Maha Sodasi mantra??...I must "google" it .}
SHE: And what website did you find the answer on??
Me: A few days later, on the very same website that led me to the Meppad Sampradaya.
SHE: Who reminded YOU of YOUR real nature?
Me: My Guruji - THE ONE who has always been with ME, THE ONE who said that there was never a time when HE wasn't with ME.
Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu